Surgery

I have decided to have have bariatric surgery. I am in the early stages of preparing for a VSG (Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy) According to my insurance, they want 12 months of consecutive documentation of me trying to lose weight with my doctor. I am 2 months into it. I have not lost anything, in fact, I've actually gained 7 pounds. *SIGH* I am trying hard to do this, I am pretty bummed with my insurance's requirements. I NEED this surgery. I am slowly killing myself. I need help. I am considering starting a YouTube channel to document my journey.

Disappointment

I don't understand why it is impossible for me to have self control. I shouldn't need someone holding my hand telling me what to eat and when. The fact of the matter is, I do. I am not ready to "on my own." I am really looking forward to going back to curves. I really need to be back there. I am hoping that I will make great progress. 

I have started to fall back to my old eating habits. Of course the scale is reflecting my dumb choices. This week confirmed my belief that stress is detrimental to my health. I NEED to get on schedule and keep it no matter what life throws at me. I want to take some time today to sit down and meal plan. 

Cameron is doing a lot better job of supporting me and I've even been seeing him make some better choices with his eating. He encourages me to go on bike rides with him when we have a chance to. He pushes me when I need to be pushed and he rests with me when I need to rest. I am LOVING our new lifestyle. We've has so much fun this summer taking small hikes on nature trails, riding our bikes and visiting places that in the past that I couldn't or wouldn't go. We're even talking about taking a trip up north to his Uncle's cabin in September for our 9th anniversary. We've been checking out places to explore and hike. We've even discussed going canoeing. That's a huge deal for me. Fat people don't willingly get in boats. 

So, back to tracking what I eat and exercising. This is going to be a challenge. Cameron's aunt is about to lose her nearly 3 year battle with liver cancer. He's extremely close to his aunt. We will be spending a ton of time at the funeral home and visiting family. Ugh. Hopefully I can prepare and pack a cooler  and maybe Cameron and I can sneak away to subway when needed. 

I could never do the Biggest Loser. The thought of being away from my husband and children for that long makes me sick. However, I do wish I could go somewhere, had my food monitored for a week or two. Have a personal trainer. Just to get a jumpstart. I need to go to fat camp. 

Healthy on a Budget

Sometimes in life you have to make sacrifices. This is becoming all too familiar lately. I've set up a plan to make sure that we can afford to eat healthy all month long. I've divided our food budget into 4 weeks. I will then meal plan for the week before I go to the store (using sales and coupons along the way.) I plan to make a weekly trip to our local discount produce store to stock up on all my yummy fruits and veggies.

  I am 99% sure that at the end of the month, we are shutting off the cable so I can join a gym. I've enjoyed the work that I have been doing so far but I need more. It's time to step up my fitness level. My friend that has been helping me is currently in training for a big event and she needs to focus more on her (my words not hers). So, my options are quit or keep going. I am not quitting. I've come too far to turn back now. Although my progress on the scale has been slow there has been huge improvement all around.

In order for me to be able to go to the gym I will have to completely change my schedule. I will be waking up between 6-6:30, showering, slamming a protein shake and then heading off to the gym. I will then get home in just enough time to pass hubby as he runs out the door for work. This is going to take a ton of discipline on my end. I have been trying to do a better job of keeping up on the housework. However, my 7 month old is going through some sort of a needy phase and screams if I set her down. You can imagine how difficult it has been for me to accomplish anything. I am also in the early stages of homeschool planning. It wont be long before the kids are back to their lessons (we start in August  in order to space out our school year and allow more breaks.

The (rough draft) Plan: 

Drink half my body weight worth of water.

Gym - Monday, Wednesday, Friday mornings

Walking on the rest of the days. 

Adjust my eating a little bit more.  

Keep going

Just being real here. I find that not quitting is often harder than starting in the first place. I am in a bit of a lazy rut. I have zero energy. I am still doing good on my eating but my physical activity level is way down this week. I had my first gain this week. I put on .6 pounds. Now, you think that'd be motivation for me to work harder. Instead, I let myself get depressed. I let myself dwell on it far too long. I had my moment to sulk, now it's time to get back to work. Laying on the couch isn't making that .6 pounds ago away. 

Pressing on

Every day I have to fight off negative thoughts. Here are just a a few of the things that go through my head on a daily basis:

You are not worth it.

What's the point?

You will never succeed.

No one cares. 

You are not strong enough.

I can either choose to believe these things and give up or, rebuke them and keep going. You see, these thoughts are not of God. God has big plans for me, and he's going to use me in a mighty way to do his work. Satan wants me to fail. Do you think I am going to let him win? No! My God is greater.  

I have said from the beginning that I wanted to do this without any pills or surgery. Since making that decision I have actually had  one friend start taking supplements/shakes/pills and another recently had weight-loss surgery. I didn't know how challenging it would be for me to watch them lose drastic amounts of weight. I want to be happy for them. They deserve to be/healthy just as much as I do. It's just... hard. Still, my decision remains. I want to do this with no pills and no surgery. 

Sometimes I feel guilty focusing on me. I've always put everyone else's needs ahead of mine. I also find that it's hard to balance my time between being a wife, mom, Sunday school teacher, homeschool teacher, cook,  maid, chauffeur.... then you add workouts and food prep onto that. It's getting a little easier as the days go on but it can still be quite overwhelming at times. 

I was on Pinterest last night looking for homeschool ideas and I came across some quotes that really seemed to fit this part of my journey. I thought I'd share:

Whole-Wheat Banana Bread

I am trying to encourage my family to make better choices with their food. I've been trying to buy less processed foods. I've also been experimenting with some "clean" recipes. Today I decided to make some Whole-Wheat Banana Bread. I found the original recipe here. I made some changes to fit our tastes/nutritional needs. The kids are really excited to have this tomorrow for breakfast.

INGREDIENTS

• 2 1/4c.  whole-wheat flour
• 3/4 tsp baking soda
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 3 ripe bananas, mashed
• 1/4c. plain Greek yogurt 
• 1/4c. honey
• 1/3c. + 2 Tbls unsweetened applesauce 
• 2 eggs
• 1 tsp Vanilla
• 1/4c. black walnuts

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F and grease pan.
2. Whisk together the flour, baking soda, nuts, and salt.
3. In a separate bowl mix mashed bananas with yogurt, honey, eggs, applesauce, and vanilla.
4. Fold the banana mixture into the flour mixture until blended. Do not overmix.
5. Pour batter into prepared pan.
6. Bake large loaf for 40 – 50 minutes or until it comes clean with a toothpick.

Bikes

I have been overweight since I could remember. As a kid I could ride a bike but, it was always a challenge to keep up with the other kids. Then, there was the knee injury that I had in 6th grade. After that I wasn't very active at all. I used the injury as an excuse. After doing a year of physical therapy I COULD be active again. I simply chose not to. 

When Cameron and I were dating, I tried to ride a bike again and I was so out of shape that I cried/whined the entire time and we stopped like a MILLION times. He refused to go with me any more. I really don't blame him. 

I had recently been showing in interest in wanting to try to ride again. Cameron wanted me to lose a significant amount of weight first. However, I am losing at a low slower pace than he had expected. So, we went bike shopping. We were just going to look. Much to my surprise we walked out of there with no only one, but TWO new bikes. 

I was terrified to even get on the bike, much less ride the thing. I told myself that I would take it a  few houses at a time. Off we went. Around the block. I survived. I rode a bike again! After a short rest and some adjusting of seats and handlebars we set out again, this time going a little farther. After that I was done. I was pleased with what I had accomplished so we put the bikes away in my mother in law's garage and headed in to eat lunch. I had packed our lunches as an attempt to save money and keep me on track with my calories. 

Cameron then gets this bright idea to go for another ride. To his Aunts. After 10 minutes of throwing a fit and begging him not to,  we were on our way. 1 mile to his Aunts and then another .5 miles around to make the full circle. It was extremely tough and we had to stop a few times so I could stand up and get cramps out of my legs. We did it though. I had to have a talk with Cameron though, about the difference between encouraging someone and pushing them a bit and then pushing them too far. I felt like it was getting close to too far. I was beginning to feel pain. Not the "feel the burn" kind of pain either. I survived though. My legs were screaming the next morning through. A leg massage was a MUST. Thankfully my sweet hubby volunteered before I even asked. 

After our long bike ride we headed to the metropark to buy our yearly pass. The kids needed to take their naps so we decided to go for a drive. We ended up driving for a few hours and checking out a bunch of the other Michigan metroparks since we had never visited them before. It was pouring the rain so we didn't get to explore as much as we wanted but the scenery was nice and it gave us a chance to have a long talk. We talked about fitness and nutrition. Cameron has said from day one that he didn't care if I lost the weight or not. He would love me either way. I 100% believe him.  On our ride he did say that he can't wait until I lose more weight because he's enjoying being active with me. He's looking forward to experiencing life with me, rather than me always being a spectator. I have to say that I really enjoyed going for the bike ride with him and I look forward to the many more to come. 

My new bike 

I love this man! 

Our rainy journey

This picture doesn't do it justice

A crane. Scared the crap out of me, lol.