Disappointment

I don't understand why it is impossible for me to have self control. I shouldn't need someone holding my hand telling me what to eat and when. The fact of the matter is, I do. I am not ready to "on my own." I am really looking forward to going back to curves. I really need to be back there. I am hoping that I will make great progress. 

I have started to fall back to my old eating habits. Of course the scale is reflecting my dumb choices. This week confirmed my belief that stress is detrimental to my health. I NEED to get on schedule and keep it no matter what life throws at me. I want to take some time today to sit down and meal plan. 

Cameron is doing a lot better job of supporting me and I've even been seeing him make some better choices with his eating. He encourages me to go on bike rides with him when we have a chance to. He pushes me when I need to be pushed and he rests with me when I need to rest. I am LOVING our new lifestyle. We've has so much fun this summer taking small hikes on nature trails, riding our bikes and visiting places that in the past that I couldn't or wouldn't go. We're even talking about taking a trip up north to his Uncle's cabin in September for our 9th anniversary. We've been checking out places to explore and hike. We've even discussed going canoeing. That's a huge deal for me. Fat people don't willingly get in boats. 

So, back to tracking what I eat and exercising. This is going to be a challenge. Cameron's aunt is about to lose her nearly 3 year battle with liver cancer. He's extremely close to his aunt. We will be spending a ton of time at the funeral home and visiting family. Ugh. Hopefully I can prepare and pack a cooler  and maybe Cameron and I can sneak away to subway when needed. 

I could never do the Biggest Loser. The thought of being away from my husband and children for that long makes me sick. However, I do wish I could go somewhere, had my food monitored for a week or two. Have a personal trainer. Just to get a jumpstart. I need to go to fat camp.