Saturday, May 18, 2013


Today was not one of my best days. I made mistakes. I am angry with myself and I will be for a while I need to learn to forgive myself but I am just not sure how. 

I sat on the couch watching tv, eating Doritos **lowers head in shame** As I sat there I mentioned to my husband that I wish I could have weightloss surgery. Then the thought came into my head, that although my stomach would be smaller, I still would have major sell control issues. I don't want to eat less of the bad stuff. I want to quit eating it altogether. I don't want to eat a few more healthy options. I want to eat only healthy options. People often ask me why I am so strict with my  daily diet and why I rarely treat myself. It's fear. I am terrified that, like today, I wouldn't be able to stop. I am not sure what it is,  but it starts with one little taste of something and then the next thing I know I have ruined my entire day. 

I need to start over preparing on the days that we are going to be away from home all day. That way I would have no other option but to eat what I prepared.

Tomorrow is a new day. My 30th birthday, actually. I will not quit. I will move forward. I will continue this journey. I will learn to forgive.

I am so thankful that God forgives me of my sins and does't think twice about them. He doesn't dwell on them. He simply forgives.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9

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